bryiarrose: (indigo ice)
this is the eighth year in a row i've posted something to livejournal on my birthday.

it's hard to believe this makes eight years. and, for how far i've come, hard to believe it's only eight.

thirty was huge for me. not in traditional ways, but in ways that have meant more to me than i can fully comprehend. i know i've been talking about this roller coaster ride of mine for months now, but honestly, i suspect i'm still on it. coasting, sure--but there's directed momentum beneath. my world has turned upside down, right side up, inside out, take your pick. i never would have guessed a year ago that this is where i'd be, or that i'd be thankful for it. but it is, and i am.

i'm making promises to myself. i'm prioritizing my priorities. i'm reconnecting, resurrecting, digging in.

i'm learning to appreciate how all the tiny beautiful things pile up to make the big things work out okay.

i'm ready for a new year.  )
bryiarrose: (hold the cards)
have faith.
bryiarrose: (wet spring)
i miss you.
bryiarrose: (blue2)
breaking the radio silence, a brief respite for something like tradition.

i've stared down another year, can't say who blinked first, though.

all said and done, i'm thankful for everything--what i've learned, how i've grown and changed, the good things and the hard ones, everything cheesy but truthful i could say here.
i'm not sure if i have regrets, as generally (like resolutions) i don't believe in them. but all the same some things make me sadder than others.
i'm lonely sometimes--i miss you. yes, you. i have wonderful amazing people in my world, and most of them are out of reach. my fault, yes, admittedly so.

the handful that look out for me no matter what, i'm lucky to have.

i look back at the last five years that i've watched this day in in a similar fashion, and am amazed at how things have changed. worlds and worlds away, these eons i've traveled through.

i'm tired. three a.m. is late for me tonight, the way the meds and the sleeping and the working and the world play out. i'm tired, and it shows. in my silliness with words, in the photos, in my face.

this is twenty-nine


but this is twenty-nine. hello world, i've missed you.

this year i took what felt like a million pictures of myself. this year i stood up for myself--i can't count how many times--even when it cost me, even when it helped me. this year i lost. this year i loved. this year i learned. and i am still learning. still finding how to be the best version of myself. functional, but not just. thoughtful, always. creative... well. obviously i've got work to do. hello twenty-nine, let's discuss a few things.

[i don't have birthday plans at the moment. i'd thought vaguely about declaring brunch at seward or else something in the evening post ridiculous sporting events, but i've not decided. let me know if you've opinions or thoughts or otherwise.]
bryiarrose: (squarecat)

bastian ronan kismet jose
approx. 1996 to october 28th, 2007

I cannot let go
So I thank the lord

And I thank his sword

Though it be mincing up the morning, slightly bored

Oh oh oh, morning

Without warning

Like a hole

Oh, and I watch you go









There are some mornings when the sky looks like a road

There are some dragons who were built to have and hold

And some machines are dropped from great heights lovingly

And some great bellies ache with many bumblebees

And they sting so terribly


I do as I please

Now I'm on my knees

Your skin is something that I stir into my tea

And I am watching you

And you are starry, starry, starry


And I'm tumbling down

And I check a frown

Well just look around

That's why I love this town

To see me;

Serenaded hourly

Celebrated sourly

Dedicated dourly


Waltzing with the open sea























off of the Joanna Newsom & The YS Street Band EP, bastian's preferred listening the last week or so.
bryiarrose: (squarecat)
i've been really absent lately. apologies where they're due. know that it's been necessary, and not to plan.

cut for length and cute photos. )

if you have cats, and use a clay litter that clumps or contains bentonite, please please look into a more natural alternative. at this point, i can only say what a dramatic change i saw when we quit clay litter. and that in the long run, it's not worth taking the risk.

remedy

Aug. 11th, 2007 01:42 am
bryiarrose: (perfect)

remedy
Originally uploaded by bryiarrose

...when lacking air conditioning. take 1 mango, chilled, cut into smaller pieces while removing the peel. chew on the pit before throwing away. add 2-4 scoops of vanilla ice cream (or ice cream like product of your choice, preferably without eggs so that i can have some) to taste. eat. forget that you don't have air conditioning and that at 1:30am it's still 80 degrees out with 65% humidity. repeat as needed until thunderstorms finally hit.

un-packing

Aug. 5th, 2007 02:31 pm
bryiarrose: (the edge of something)
how does anyone make decisions about the things collected as memories--presents, decoration, keepsakes--when the memories are no longer current?

when they cease being applicable to the current definition of your history, what have they become? certainly no less meaningful, beautiful, strange or sad, but still something that takes up space.

how do you decide.. what stays, what goes, what guilt will let you part with?

35W bridge

Aug. 1st, 2007 07:53 pm
bryiarrose: (Default)
still at work. safe here. nowhere near bridge.
[livejournal.com profile] borofish is fine too.

my family's fine, d yours are too.

haven't heard anything here at the store about anyone *not being safe.

email is fastest to get ahold of me--if you want me to try and check in with someone for you, let me know.
bryiarrose: (cuddle)
it rained and rained earlier, but the kind of storm that leaves it feeling humid and hard to breathe. as if the clouds stopped mid-tantrum, and hadn't cried themselves out. i'll take what i can get though, where rain's concerned.

i had two days this week where my alarms were useless, a day apart. frustrated beyond belief. i have a hard time pinning down what could possibly pass for reasons, and so i look for patterns instead. i keep hoping that eventually i'll find them.

work has been crazy. literally flying by, hardly realizing what time it is anymore. that's what happens when there's too much work for too few people. i need a promotion, or at the least a raise.

my baby brother turned fifteen today. i don't have the words for how amazed i am. he's still so young, and yet he's growing into someone i really enjoy and respect. i can't say anything better, really.

this week has been an odd mix of challenges. so many emotions. so many words in my head. i can't begin to pin them all down tonight. so many emails i haven't gotten around to returning, those will have to wait a few more hours yet as well. for the moment, i guess i just need to.. document. and maybe i'll end up locking the rest of this down more, maybe i'll chicken out, but for now... it feels important enough to not.

i bought new jeans over my lunch break tonight. i'm back to the point where none of my pants fit again, and decided to go try on stuff off the clearance rack. i ended up buying ones that weren't on clearance, because, well. the ones i got are size six. i haven't bought a pair of jeans that size, my size, off the rack in over five years. i still don't believe it really. )
bryiarrose: (blue rose)
today is insane.
i give you con photos in lieu of... um...

crap. too busy to think.
bryiarrose: (summer)

i can has blue?, originally uploaded by bryiarrose.

doubt i'll keep it tooo long, but it's fun for right this minute.

bryiarrose: (music or misery?)
dude. prince is playing first ave saturday night. are you sure we can't reschedule con?

done? done.

Jun. 1st, 2007 02:50 pm
bryiarrose: (doorknob)
holy crap. everything is moved. i'm amazed. that was the fastest that couch has ever gone anywhere. even if it isn't quite in one piece for the moment...

and bartering on craigslist for cleaning? one of the smartest ideas i've had in a long time.

i owe thankyous and favors and perhaps food or something to a number of people who i couldn't have managed without. or at least not and got through it anywhere near as easily.

and.... now i just have to dig my self out of the piles everything seems to have landed in.

cat still wants attention, so if you've some to spare this weekend and want to see my huge mess, lemme know.
bryiarrose: (family)
today marked a year since my grandmother passed away. and i'm too tired right now to find any of the elegant words i need to express myself. i nearly said it here, and so perhaps i'll leave it at that for now. it just needed to be said.
bryiarrose: (perfect)
avocados still = perfection.

i adore my bike.

derby tonight.

seattle wednesday.

some days you can't help but be happy.
bryiarrose: (blonde)
going to try and make it to the frames/robert skoro tonight, hopefully early enough that i can use the comp tickets i picked up. and yes, that was plural, which means i've got an extra. if you're free around 8pm and would like to go for $1, call or send me a text message. if you don't know my number, i suppose email might work too.
bryiarrose: (wet spring)
rain can fix so many things for me.
bryiarrose: (wet spring)
sleeping with the window open, spring is insistent.
my head, my heart, need cobwebs swept out as badly as my apartment.
i rode my bike, i fed the cat from my fingers, i loaded the dishwasher and cooked for myself. three loads of laundry and i missed the phone ringing until it was too late to do anything about it. then subtitled spanish and knowing they hadn't spelled out everything being said. thought myself in and out of circles. then back in.
it's strange to me, what place surety holds in my world. which things earn that title.
strange, how changeable my emotions are one heartbeat to the next.
i can't say whether there is too much caution in my movements, or too little, still.
i will be dreaming before i can curl my toes beneath the blankets, searching out something too far for me to reach... my arm's span--or my heart's--seem to fall just short
no matter how i measure. no matter what my dreams.

February 2010

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