bryiarrose: (cuddle by sweetkarma)
tomorrow promises to be a bit hectic.
errands, work, and then i go to sleep.
with a bunch of wires attached to me and paste in my hair.
at least from what i can figure out.

i'm a bit nervous. even though i know there's nothing to be nervous about. more likely than not i'll be bored and or exhausted when it comes right down to it.

doubting i'll be able to get near the internets from about 8pm tomorrow until sometime late afternoon or evening-ish on friday, so if you need me, either poke me now or leave a voicemail.

and i'd say wish me luck, except i don't know what kind of luck exactly i'm looking for.
bryiarrose: (martini girl by joaninha)
as [ profile] dreamallday would say...

dear internet journal:

tonight we went to hell. or it may have been st. paul. or maybe it was hell.
no hard feelings or offense meant to anyone involved. but. oh. my. god.
there are bars where i'm comfortable, and bars where i'm uncomfortable. and then there was this bar. my a.d.d. and any kind of anxiety i might have, would be totally set off by this place on any normal night. but tonight, tonight was the special hell. with two pianists at top volume (and by top, i mean unable to hold a converstation with the person next to you top) singing and playing requests. this meant grease. this meant neil diamond. this meant garth brooks. all done poorly. and at. top. volume. and so we left. and i'm sorry for the people we were trying to hang out with that we're not more socially flexible these days. i have a lot of potential reasons for this in my head. but a bar full of jocks and slutty women (as a generalization) with too many large tv's and a bad overly loud lounge act? was not what i could handle.

so we went to lyle's for the last hour of bar time. and now my shoulders aren't up around my ears. and the cute waitress there, jackie, is the cutest best thing ever. she makes my night every time we see her. because she is cute and hillarious and i always tip her better than good.

i could babble about comfort zones and culture and gender and sexual identity and a whole lot of other things. like the possibility of phone posts, and beer walruses, and cute girls. but i won't. because i had three drinks in less than an hour, and now i just want a veggie sandwich.
oy. too much, yo. too much.


Aug. 23rd, 2005 05:05 am
bryiarrose: (lonely brave)
my anxiety has been creeping up on me again. lying in the dark, trying to ignore the ticking of my alarm clocks, trying to breathe in unison with the boy or with the cat, trying to fall asleep, that's when i feel it. there's this anxious ball that shows up right below my breastbone, that i can either identify as something to quash, or something to feed. literally. this is the feeling that (in part) made me gain weight when i went back to school. this is the feeling that led to me freaking out. i don't want that again.

there's so much stress right now though. we move in eight days and i feel like i've hardly packed. my benefits run out at the end of this month and i've had next to no success in either finding a new job or getting hired on full time at the current one. and that, is scary. i mean, honestly, i've started applying to crappy jobs with insurance companies. because when it comes right down to it, my health is more important than being happy at my job. stupid preexisting conditions.

i only ever post about the lousy things these days. i'm sorry for that.
on the plus side, tonight i had sushi that falls into the category of "decent for the suburbs" and one of the best mojitos i have ever had. back to try sleeping again.
(eta: okay, that website is the most amusing thing i've seen in awhile. i had to link it.)

February 2010

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