(no subject)

[bryiarrose]

sometimes i notice how many ideas i've lost. and sometimes that's particularly hard to take.

it bitterly cold here tonight, not in the sense that four below is the worst it could be, but in how it makes everything tense and hard and horrible. i crawled out of bed because my battery ran out, and the rest of the house is just a bit shivery--we need to seal the windows.

i don't write enough. that seems to be a never ending thing with me. i looked back to the past three decembers tonight, just glanced. and i'm always promising to be better about things. and i'm never sure i am. life is life i suppose.

i'm still not used to being someone that knows things, that has answers. and it's tiring sometimes. most days it seems. and i can't tell if it's really that or only that i caught the cold going around just as i was starting to feel better from everything else. or maybe that we're still not really unpacked and i haven't had a real day to myself in more than three weeks. these things aren't bad, they just are.

and maybe i'll look back on this in a year or two or three and remember how happy i was or how miserable or think how my energy level has changed. or think something i haven't thought to think of yet.

there are always these moments that shape the future. and we never know them when we see them. when they happen. when we live them. hardly ever do we know them once the future's past.

i don't babble enough anymore. i think that's something i need to re-encourage in myself. because how can you be yourself when you don't know who that is.

Comments

[lostbutton.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Rose, and I'll see you tonight.
December always seems to take the worst of it... it's the beginning of winter so there is still some ideas of motivation yet left over from the fall and the knowledge that January brings something worse- so the need to feel that things are being accomplished while they still can be. Procrastinators such as you & I take the worst of it.
Here's to you finding some time to yourself, and possibly even enough of that left over for being creative :)

Babbling is encouraged. Welcomed, even.

[febrile.livejournal.com]

how can you be yourself when you don't know who that is.

I understand that feeling. My answer? You manage somehow. (You ever heard Dylan's "Last Thoughts On Woody Guthrie?")

Rosie? Yer spiffy. Drink lots of oj and get to feeling better soon.

Re: Babbling is encouraged. Welcomed, even.

[bryiarrose.livejournal.com]

"And no matter how you try you just can't say it
And yer scared to yer soul you just might forget it"

that might just say it. thanks for the link. i know shamefully less dylan than i really should.

and believe you me, i'm trying to feel better... sick of this. yes. *hugs*

[bryiarrose.livejournal.com]

rereading that i think it probably comes off a lot more negative than i was really feeling. just being introspective i guess, or trying to.
but you're right, december has a special quality that makes everything seem a little futile sometimes. or maybe that's just working in a mall ;)
thanks for watching my back hon. *hugs*

Sentiments shared equally..

[joesim.livejournal.com]

"how can you be yourself when you don't know who that is."

When you figure this one out, let me know how you did it. I too wish I know who I was when I'm not at work, with my family or friends. Without these defining elements I could not come close to conveying who I am. Each group of people, or each person I am with brings yet another mask. When all the mask come off, who am I?

"i'm still not used to being someone that knows things, that has answers. and it's tiring sometimes. most days it seems."

It never gets easy. It is always tiring, but it is comforting to know others feel the same way, and we have your back whenever it gets to overwhelming.