i'm losing my mind, everything's fine.

[bryiarrose]

i don't know what's wrong with me.
my sleep schedule is so out of whack.
but you'd think, that even with that,
if i'm getting enough sleep,
that i'd have some control over when i wanted to be awake.

it was about 2:30, and i was going to nap for a hour or so. the second alarm was set for four, just in case the first one didn't catch me. so with two alarms, and my phone right next to me (which claims to have rung six separate times), i woke up at about 9:30. when my phone rang again. what the fuck. i don't get it. i'd just slept fourteen hours in the last twenty-four.
i didn't need that sleep. i needed to wash dishes and see my family and be functional again.
and i know my allergies have taken a lot out of me. yesterday and today both. they make me feel crappy. but this is a bit much. i don't know if i'm sick again, or fighting depression, or smack in the middle of depression, or need to get sleep testing done... but it worries me. and i don't know who's going to know what to tell me. i only have a week to sort this out. *sigh*

i think it's time to pull something off my shelf and go read. wish i knew what. rereading is always comforting, but right now i can't pick. and that's strange too.

Comments

[veganliz.livejournal.com]

re-reading is the best. i have about 6 books that i reread at least once a year. my friends think i'm crazy.. but that's the true sign of a good book. (i found you cuz you like the murmurs too, if you were wondering).

[bryiarrose.livejournal.com]

hi. the murmurs rock. plus, that's exactly it with the rereading. any suggestions you'd make? what makes your list?

[veganliz.livejournal.com]

well let's see... pretty much anything by stephen king.. then there's.. the bell jar, by sylvia plath, fight club by chuck pahlanuiak (totally spelled wrong), girl interrupted by susanna kaysen, she's come undone by wally lamb, i know this much is true, also by wally lamb, white oleander by janet finch, the story of a million years (somebody huddle...) and just recently, good in bed by jennifer weiner. what are your favorites?

[bryiarrose.livejournal.com]

all stuff i haven't read, although i know my best friend has read a few of them (and loved them). something to think about.
my list tends to lean towards the girly sci-fi/fantasy end of things a bit...

pretty much anything by diana wynne jones (esp. fire and hemlock)
same for neil gaiman
tam lin - pamela dean
daughter of the forest - juliet marillier (and the other two in the series)
emily's quest - l.m. montgomery (yeah, i know. girly girly.)
the wood wife- terri windling
high fidelity - nick hornby
and then there's always the classic stuff like peter pan, princess bride, the last unicorn, etc. stuff people think of as movies, but the books are ten times better.

it's really all about escape for me. which isn't so bad.

[veganliz.livejournal.com]

see, i could never get into sci-fi. my dad's a big fan, but for me it just didn't have that.. reality that was better than mine that i craved. i guess that's why i read what i do.. they're all things that could potentially be true, even the weird stephen king bullshit. i forgot to add wizard of oz to that list, along with james and the giant peach. i haven't read alice in wonderland, although i'd like to, along with peter pan. have you always been a big reader?

Re:

[bryiarrose.livejournal.com]

always. was one of those kids who got in trouble for reading under the covers with a flashlight.
peter pan is great... it's got a great sense of language-- maybe it's very own even.
i finally read all the way through alice and through the looking glass last year. worth reading, but they don't make much sense. and that coming from me who makes very little sense much of the time to begin with. well. yeah. but worth reading just for context if nothing else.

[veganliz.livejournal.com]

haha i was the same way. and i think the whole reason i never read alice was because i had heard that the language he used was just mind boggling and i didn't want to get confused by a "childrens book". i need a new book now damnit!