somedays i miss nature, but at least i've got flowers coming up.

the lake was so still, as i drove home past it tonight, that the shapes in it were less like reflections than like liquid ghosts. i wish i could just melt as smooth and silent as that, and find some quiet in my head again. there's been nothing but hurt and sick and tired for over a week now, and i'm done with it. i just want to be able to sit and think and write and sing without this nonsense. went back to work for the first time since friday really, and it was long and hard today. not because it was, just because my body isn't up to it quite yet.

on a completely unrelated note, despite having a million cool desktops to choose from, i can't seem to find one i like right now. i want lots of blues or crocuses or something... because so many of the desktops i'd been using aren't high enough res to look pretty anymore. and oh. that's because it's to go on my new 15" powerbook that i keep forgetting to mention i got. which means i'm selling my pretty baby arianwen... as soon as i have the energy and can face the separation anxiety. oy. i'm babbling already. time to take my drugs with food and then feed my digital addiction i think.

i want to be the me that has time and thoughts and energy to write here again, because i miss it. here's hoping.