this is twenty-nine

breaking the radio silence, a brief respite for something like tradition.

i've stared down another year, can't say who blinked first, though.

all said and done, i'm thankful for everything--what i've learned, how i've grown and changed, the good things and the hard ones, everything cheesy but truthful i could say here.
i'm not sure if i have regrets, as generally (like resolutions) i don't believe in them. but all the same some things make me sadder than others.
i'm lonely sometimes--i miss you. yes, you. i have wonderful amazing people in my world, and most of them are out of reach. my fault, yes, admittedly so.

the handful that look out for me no matter what, i'm lucky to have.

i look back at the last five years that i've watched this day in in a similar fashion, and am amazed at how things have changed. worlds and worlds away, these eons i've traveled through.

i'm tired. three a.m. is late for me tonight, the way the meds and the sleeping and the working and the world play out. i'm tired, and it shows. in my silliness with words, in the photos, in my face.



but this is twenty-nine. hello world, i've missed you.

this year i took what felt like a million pictures of myself. this year i stood up for myself--i can't count how many times--even when it cost me, even when it helped me. this year i lost. this year i loved. this year i learned. and i am still learning. still finding how to be the best version of myself. functional, but not just. thoughtful, always. creative... well. obviously i've got work to do. hello twenty-nine, let's discuss a few things.

[i don't have birthday plans at the moment. i'd thought vaguely about declaring brunch at seward or else something in the evening post ridiculous sporting events, but i've not decided. let me know if you've opinions or thoughts or otherwise.]