bryiarrose | finally made myself get serious

i have an appointment on friday for a sleep consultation. it's just a first introductory appointment, and it's with someone i already know.

borofish's dad, who my dad sees for his sleep apnea. so it should be no big deal.

but getting off the phone friday after i made the appointment, i had this rush of adrenaline and nervousness. because, i suppose, there are two possible outcomes. and i don't know which scares me more.

1) there's something actually wrong with how i sleep. if that's the case it has the potential to explain so much.
2) it could be nothing. and i continue to be screwed up because that's just how i am.

i don't want to put too much hope in the idea of having sleep issues. because even if they determine there's something to it it, it still might not make a difference in my day to day life.

the other bit that i'm sure scares me just a little are the possibilities of how such things get treated. my dad has a breathing machine he gets hooked up to at night. i can't imagine that. or maybe i just can't imagine it in a way that doesn't freak me out a little bit.

regardless, i've been trying to tell people for years that there's something to this. and for the first time i have something to back me up other than the fact that i have a hard time getting up in the morning. even if it is just a stupid watch. i've made 58 posts that i've tagged "sleep," only a couple of which aren't directly related to data or how i've slept. that's a pretty big sleep diary there, one way or another. so i wait and see.