oh, elliott.

elliott smith died yesterday at the age of 34.

nothing i've found so far is sure of the cause.

we've lost a great musician.

i've lost someone whose music has had a huge impact on my life.

this one, hits home.

i posted "no name no. 5" to my caucus file. but now it's "waltz #2 (xo)" that's calling me:

first the mic
then a half cigarette
singing cathy's clown
that's the man that she's married to now
that's the girl that he takes around town
she appears composed, so she is, i suppose
who can really tell?
she shows no emotion at all
stares into space like a dead china doll
i'm never gonna know you now, but i'm gonna love you anyhow
now she's done and they're calling someone
such a familiar name
i'm so glad that my memories remote
'cos i'm doing just fine hour to hour, note to note
here it is the revenge to the tune
"you're no good,
you're no good you're no good you're no good"
can't you tell that it's well understood
i'm never gonna know you now, but i'm gonna love you anyhow
i'm here today and expected to stay on and on and on
i'm tired
i'm tired
looking out on the substitute scene
still going strong
xo, mom
it's ok, it's alright, nothing's wrong
tell mr. man with impossible plans to just leave me alone
in the place where i make no mistakes
in the place where i have what it takes
i'm never gonna know you now, but i'm gonna love you anyhow
i'm never gonna know you now, but i'm gonna love you anyhow
i'm never gonna know you now, but i'm gonna love you anyhow


http://www.sweetadeline.net/
http://www.guardian.co.uk/arts/news/story/0,11711,1068430,00.html
http://www.nme.com/news/106511.htm


something tells me that today anything beyond grieving is going to be hard.
oh, elliott.

the new album was nearly finished.

i could post elliott smith lyrics all day long.
because that's what's holding me together right now.

i should be in class. discussing moby-dick. i should have showered and done some homework and gone to class. and here i am still in bed. still trying not to cry. and it seems so lame. like i'm overreacting. and i don't want to be just another weepy fangirl.

i don't know how to explain what this man was to me. he wasn't an idol. he might have been an influence. he was comfort. he was inspiration. he was someone that could stand onstage with a guitar and make me cry. he's someone i met and tried not to be too foolish in front of. he's someone that i have a set list tucked away from. he's someone that i went out and bought four albums of all at once--every one there was--after hearing one song. he's someone whose music i've passed on to others lovingly. he's someone i will miss. how do you explain what kind of loss that is? how do you explain to the rest of the world that expects you to pull yourself together that he's not just a musician that had too many addictions, too many problems, might have killed himself.

he's gone. and i'm lost for what to do. what to say. how to feel. but i'm going to go try to shower. try to go to classes. try to get through the day. i've lost one of my important ones. how do i translate that?