...and each wish resign'd...

i started thinking as i drove home today, i can't now remember why, but i started thinking about regrets. it's a big thing it seems to live without regrets. and i can't--or don't--do that. if i stop and think i can give you moments that, even if i may not regret them exactly, i would have had come to a different end. i can say i would have liked my life to turn in this direction, or to not have turned.

some of you out there are saying i'm thinking about these things because i finally saw eternal sunshine this evening. certainly, it isn't taking me further from these thoughts. but here i was before we pushed play, and here i'll be for quite awhile still i think.

it's strange how we make choices in life. how we end up where we do. how years can pass in an instant and suddenly we've lost our youth or our dreams (or our angst) or perhaps found something that we never expected to. sometimes in the place of something else. and whether any one something is better than any other... well. it's always going to be impossible to say isn't it. just as impossible as telling, when you look back, where the turning points were... for all those little things that creep up on us, change us.

i love change. i welcome it. i haven't always, and at some point in the future again i won't.
but right now i welcome it. the changes in my world, breaking the surface, haven't smoothed yet.
and until they do i'll be gasping for air. not that that's a bad thing. just that it's a challenge. or one more.