last night the sky was so clear you could see every star. tonight there's only one.

[bryiarrose]

so i'm at the cow by myself on saturday night. checking my email. does this make me a geek? or is there a more appropriate term? but they have wireless and a live band. and i have a rum and coke and my pretty arianwen. really, life could be a lot worse.

if i'd been feeling more social tonight, i suppose i could have gone and found trav and ali and menwy. but after hanging around with them last night and feeling like something akin to a fourth wheel ( i know, it doesn't make sense really)... suffice to say i felt left out and out of place. when three people sit in front of you and toast together to being each other's family. well. anyhow. i like them all very much, they've just been part of a very exclusive group all summer that have been going to the bar together and not inviting anyone else and so at this point it's kind of to be expected.

enough.

it's not that i've really been lonely lately, just that i've been lonely for specific people.

i'm debating whether or not to paint my apartment. either light water/ocean colors or maybe very light shimmery gold (if i can find one) with one or two of the little walls a very dark red. opinions?

yesterday was long and tiring. drove jake to the airport. picked trav up. moved the rest of my stuff out of wilson. took sorcha up to notmonochrome and nicepersonality's place (they're wonderful people, yo), came back moved my food from wilson to my place, then went and hung out at upper crack as previously mentioned. my allergies were not happy by the end of the night either. and my mind is too full. le sigh.

today, after i finally got up, was productive in better ways. unpacked dishes and food stuffs, got the mattress out into the hallway (amojojo, i'll check when i go back what kind it is), the frame is waiting for someone to help me move it because it's such a heavy bastard, and i got my futon frame back together and positioned where i want it with the bed on top. hopefully i'll sleep well tonight now that my bed is back to normal. i also, after all of this, read for my independent study. i've been good. something like that.

overall, things are alright. i'm going to have to beg my parents to loan me rent money until my financial aid comes through and that's not fun. but it's starting to feel like fall here. the nights are cold enough that you want jeans and long sleeves and blankets and here and there leaves are starting to fall. looking at the trees on the way up to the airport yesterday you could see where the rebels were starting to think about changing color. just barely less green than the others. i saw the mourning dove outside my window today that i've been hearing. it's brown and grey and darling. and tonight i dug out tapes of old turtle mandala shows and was surprised yet again at how really terribly good they were.

but i'm lonely. and i'm scared. i'll be alright-- i know that. but still sometimes it feels like a lot to get through. between school and money and... people.

nearly done with my rum and coke, so i think i'll head home. take another allergy pill. if i'm good, read some more. if i'm not, something else.

those of you partying in chicago, i wish i could be there. i send my love.

Comments

[coryphella.livejournal.com]

I don't know much about how you react to colors...OK, I don't know *anything*...but I think that dark walls tend to create a darker, smaller space. Personally I'd go for the ocean themed colors, but I'm also severely biased when it comes to greens and blues. :)

[minervacat.livejournal.com]

I wish you were here. I need you.

[almejor.livejournal.com]

Much love to you!

[amojojo.livejournal.com]

Turtle Mandala. Wow. Dov. And Danger Boy. What was Danger Boy's name? You know. Camilla's dangerous, dangeorus Boy.

I would go with very, very pale watery blues, maybe slightly darker at the bottom and almost white at the top. While I lived there, I dreamed of making stamps the shape of river rocks, gentle rounded ovals and kidneys, maybe out of potato halves, and making prints in various greys and blues around the bottoms of the walls, as if they were piled there...

[bryiarrose.livejournal.com]

would danger boy be andy? that would be my first guess, considering it's camilla. overall the dangerous one was usually gabe though. really, i think they were all dangerous. i miss them. i keep thinking that maybe if i'm lucky dov will come to his (eep!) five year reunion this year. but probably not.

i like the idea of fading colors... almost like a piece of paper that's been dipped in water. hmm. you have good ideas.

also. the mattress. what it says (if i'm remembering right) is:

ther-a-pedic
chiro-medic
luxury

i don't know if any of it makes sense, but then again i don't speak mattress.

[amojojo.livejournal.com]

Yes! Andy. He was the one. Gabe I never understood -- he Dangered some of my friends, but I never got it. Different frequencies I guess. Dov was the Dangerous one as far as I was concerned...

there's danger and there's danger

[bryiarrose.livejournal.com]

i know exactly what you mean.


and, *hugs* for you. dumb boys.

[sashybaby.livejournal.com]

Sweetie, please return my calls! Wanna see you.

[bryiarrose.livejournal.com]

you called? i missed that. hmm. will have to check messages when i get home (as i'm stupid and left my phone there).