i mentally remined myself to post about this, and finally remembered.

[bryiarrose]

there is all this music in me lately that i don't have the time to pay attention to. in some ways, there isn't much that makes me sadder. there's this voice in me, this element, that says sit down and write. now. you have things you need to say and there is music that you need to bring into the world and now is the time to do it. and i can't. i can't listen to it, i can't sit down and take the time to write to let myself go like that. not only because of the physical temporal time aspect of it, but because of the emotional time it requires. songwriting makes me think about things, and usually for quite awhile afterwards. and i can't stop to feel right now. that sucks in a big way. and i hope that in a few days when, one way or another, i'm out of this hell i'm currently existing in, all of that will still be there. that it won't have given up on waiting. because some of what needs to be written, has been waiting too long already. someday i will live a life where music is given the time it needs. and i can't wait for that. the time while i was at bravo (and then while unemployed after it closed) was one of my most prolific periods of writing... at least of quality writing. and i think that it can be attributed to the fact that i had the time to write in as much as it could be to having something to write about. i suppose until i get the chance to try that theory again, there's no way of knowing. but i know as much as i've said: there are songs i need to write, and right now i have to tell them no. at some level it must wound my soul, whether i admit it or not.